Maybe you’ve noticed that things have been a bit quiet here. Part of that is that I’ve been working on the Super Secret Design Project (reveal on Monday!), and part of it is that I’m enjoying our summer break. But part of it is that I’ve been a bit preoccupied with something else. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to – or if I could – write about it, but I finally feel like I need to talk it out.
Bear – the dog who doesn’t eat pizza – is old. And she’s declining. And it’s hard. And I’m not handling it well.
We adopted Bear when (we think) she was eight months old. She’s now 14. Her back legs don’t work very well; she has a hard time getting up and down. She hasn’t been able to go for walks for more than a year. And – there’s no good way to say this – she can’t always make it outside.
Most days, I have to clean up after her. I really should buy stock in Lysol. But seriously, it’s been a mess. And discouraging. And heart breaking.
When I was first thinking about writing this post, I thought it was just a post about how I’m heartbroken about her getting old. But it’s not just that. It’s also about how I find myself not wanting to do home projects because I’m either cleaning up poop or because I know that the room or something in it will be messed up. Or I’m running away from home – doing stuff away from the house to take a break from the sadness.
I am heartbroken. No two ways about it. And I know that she knows what’s going on, too, which makes me even sadder.
I am trying to focus on the fact that she’s had a beautiful, long, lovely life and that she has been and is the very best dog who’s ever walked this earth. (No offense, Hank – you’re a very close second, but she was our firstborn.) I’m trying to just love on her and hug her and give her extra treats when Hank isn’t looking. I’m trying to be sympathetic to her issues, and trying not to cry when she falls down.
But I have to tell you that it’s hard and that I’m not handling it well at all.
Thank you for listening. I promise the next post is going to be a DIY post and won’t contain the word “poop.” Thanks, y’all. xoxo